Monday, August 24, 2009

Liverpool vs Aston Villa

7:45pm: "I'm an American," admits Ed Brickell. "And I profess to know a lot about the history of English football, so I'm going to submit President George Washington as the answer to both survey questions."

7:42pm: "I don't know the answer to either questions," confesses gormless Gary Tynan. "But I do remember Steve Staunton stepping up to take a penalty towards the end of his Villa career. As he did so the commentator noted that Stan had never missed a penalty before. He then missed." Had he even taken a penalty before that? I don't recall any off hand.

7:40pm: Jan Molby and John Barnes are your early leading responses to Question 1, somewhat surprisingly. No one has even mentioned Phil Neal. "I've just finished reading War & Peace," boasts Colin Greer. "I was amazed at the similarity between the main character - Pierre Bezukhov - and Rafa Benitez. Both are intelligent (but not dominated by reason), both have trouble controlling their emotions (which leads to conflict with rivals) and they are both fat. Seeing as no one I know has read the book, could you please present this analogy to your readers as a discussion point?" Thank you for making my questions look interesting.

7:35pm: "I am looking forward to seeing how well Liverpool keep up their quest for second place<" blurts Randy Denton. "Did you know that after eight games last year Tottenham only had two points? That's what my friend, Harry, told me today. And yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before the day." Nice use of commas there, Randy, suggesting as it did that Harry is your one and only friend. But hey, at least your waggery paves the way for another question to which there may be a multitude of answers: precisely how will Tottenham sabotage their own season this time round? I'm guessing they mighty get all giddy about their plans for a new stadium and knock down the current one around Christmas, thus making it impossible for them to complete their fixtures and compelling the FA to demote to the North London six-a-side indoor league (Wednesday afternoon section).

Are there really more questions than answers? Or merely more questions than correct answers? Let's run a little survey, shall we? Here are two questions, let's see who can come up with the answer that the majority of readers will deem correct (please be aware that I'm going to look pretty stupid if no one bother replying to this ... so in 15 minutes or so I may just go back and delete this proposal and make like it never happened. In which case, don't tell anyone).
1) Who is the greatest set-piece taker in the history of either of these clubs?
2) Who is the most enlightened monarch in the history of humanity?

Plea in lieu of a preamble:
"Don't bother with a preamble tonight," implores George Templeton, whose request I am only too happy to grant. "Let me save you and your loyal readers their valuable time and reveal that Liverpool will thrash Aston Villa 4-0. Fernando Torres will score two, Steven Gerrard will dive to get a penalty and, even worse Dirk Kuyt, will score. It will be ugly with a capital U. I am a Villa fan and it will be as much fun as a safe getting dropped on my head." Well, given Villa's origami-inspired behaviour at places such as Anfield and Old Trafford, that sounds fairly accurate to me, though I wouldn't be surprised if Benayoun chipped in with one of the goals. A lovely player, to be sure.

Teams:
Liverpool: Reina, Johnson, Carragher, Skrtel, Insua,
Mascherano, Lucas, Kuyt, Gerrard, Benayoun, Torres. Subs: Cavalieri, Voronin, Riera, Babel, Kelly, Dossena, Ayala.

Aston Villa: Friedel, Beye, Davies, Cuellar, Shorey, Milner, Sidwell, Petrov, Reo-Coker, A Young, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Guzan, Albrighton, Delfouneso, Delph, Heskey, Gardner, Lowry.

Referee: Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire)

No comments:

Post a Comment